Beav

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Brad, aka Beav, inherited the responsibilities of maintaining and updating the GI Joe 3 3/4" customs archive from camper at The Bivouac on May 10, 2002. Since then, the membership and archive have expanded ten fold.

On July 1, 2009, Beav passed on ownership and of JoeCustoms to board member pluv. However, Beav has remained on as Legacy Admin to assist with several administrative duties.

Beav is a Kentucky man who enjoys a beer and a good cigar, as can be seen in his anthropomorphic beaver avatar. He also enjoys a good joke (even one at his own expense), and General Hawk may or may not be his mistress. He always listens to the opinions and input of his fellow board members because he considers himself part of this community. In short he has solidified Joe Customs as one of the premier GI Joe related fan websites despite how many times he has broken it.

Beav Images

Beav Fun Facts

  • Secretly beav is SUPER JOE.
  • beav is actually the GI Joe responsible for all the "commercial intermission" saves in the GI Joe cartoon…because beav MOVED THE MOUNTAIN.
  • beav is the only mortal that can defeat Snake Eyes. At paper, rock, scissors.
  • Sgt Slaughter has nightmares of beav in his closet.
  • Cobra Commander sleeps with a beav doll.
  • beav is the only one Big Brawler is afraid to go near.
  • beav once banned a man. For snoring too loud :shfity:
  • beav doesn't actually like to drink Guinness - he prefers a mix of vodka, wheatgrass and human souls - but that can get awkward to order at a bar 'cause they always put the little umbrella in it.
  • beav wears a majestic cloak made from the sound of a cat's footfall, the beard of a woman, the roots of a mountain, a bear's sinews, a fish's breath, a bird's spittle and Tom Cruise's dignity.
  • beav once walked across a lake to heal an injured swan.
  • beav is love.
  • beav created the internet but blamed it on Al Gore.
  • It wasn't the Death Star that destroyed Alderaan, it was beav's intense stare.
  • beav eats Chuck Norris and craps Bruce Lee.
  • beav figured out perpetual motion but got sleepy and decided it was best not to tell anyone.
  • beav once smoked a cigar with Bob Marley, Johnny Cash, Bob Dylan, and Elvis Presley, but doesn't remember any of it.
  • beav is the only one that can see what the :shfity: tag does
  • beav once shot heroin and upon immediately realizing its harmful effects willed it out of his body
  • beav doesn’t need a flashlight for he is the light in dark places
  • beav once wanted three Panamanian women to sleep with but could only find two women and one rock. So he used his awesomeness to throw the rock through a window.
  • beav is actually an artificial life form composed on the DNA of Hitler, Napoleon, Stalin, Pol Pot, Nancy Regan, Susan B Anthony, Churchill, Ben and Jerry, and 4 Solid Gold dancers.
  • In beav's audience with the Pope, people couldn't believe how quickly the Pope got in to see him.
  • beav once banned 47 men in 13 minutes, using only a wireless keyboard, and his second toe.
  • beav once toured the Guinness factory in Scotland. Shortly afterward it was quietly closed and no one has set foot on the grounds since.
  • beav once broke into Chuck Norris' house and beat the crap out of him. . . and then laughed while Hawk had his way with what was left!
  • beav once challenged the Devil to a fiddle playing contest. And then beat the devil to death with his own violin and took the prize!
  • One time beav was going to the bathroom and missed the end of his favorite show. So he reversed the rotation of the Earth to go back in time so he could see it. That's where they got the idea for Tivo.
  • beav was eating at Taco Bell when he ripped off a fart. The entire block was destroyed. Taco Bell still won't build another restaurant within 100 miles of beav's house.
  • beav is the reason the Guinness factory in Scotland doesn't give tours anymore. He drank so much beer when he took the tour that they almost went bankrupt. (Damn you and your fast fingers Raptor!)
  • beav's homebrew is one of the chemicals used in lethal injections.
  • beav once fought Superman, the Hulk, AND God in a battle royale. beav won.
  • beav eats Chuck Norris and craps Bruce Lee. Yes, but then he refines that crap and creates 100 proof whiskey and rainbows.
  • beav is the Japanese word for Swallower Of Souls. Well it is now anyway.
  • beav ordered a Mini from BMW and it took them over 6 months to hand assemble it. Because they were afraid to face his wrath if they screwed it up.
  • beav was in full body cast once. He still fought a bear and won.
  • beav once visited California. That's why they call it Death Valley now.
  • beav's footsteps register a 6 on the Richter scale.
  • Larry Hama based Snake-Eyes on beav.
  • Emperor Palpatine accidentally looked at a picture of beav and that's why he's all wrinkly now.
  • beav's DNA was supposed to be included in Serpentor, but it totally killed all the other DNA so they had to leave it out.
  • beav is the world’s largest consumer of tobacco.
  • beav went to the Louvre and used the bathroom. They were out of toilet paper so he wiped his ass on the Mona Lisa. It's even more valuable now.
  • beav turned his 6th grade teacher into stone.
  • The secret formula for Coke Classic: Parmesan cheese and beav's "essence."
  • I looked at an Intel chip the other day and it said " beav inside".
  • A friend once asked me if the all powerful beav is so powerful he could ban himself from his own site. My friend then vanished into thin air never to be seen again.
  • beav found a file in his local library containing classified pictures from Area 51 and was surprised to see his own spacecraft in it.
  • beav taught Mr. Miyagi how to wax on, wax off.
  • When beav was a child he walked up hill both ways in 4 feet of snow and 20 degrees below for 50 miles just to sit upon a mountain top and ponder what meant.
  • The Alaskan Inuit have 40 different words for beav.
  • I once Google-Earthed beav's house and when I zoomed in I saw him flipping me off and holding a sign that read "Stop looking at me you pervert."
  • If beav was a monkey, he'd still be a man. 'Cause beav is such a manly man, he's always a man.
  • beav entered a stone skipping contest in California and won. The stone he skipped: Hawaii.
  • beav doesn't like his martinis shaken or stirred. He likes them 100% proof.
  • Sometimes beav needs to be alone, so he named a lush tropical island he found “Iceland”. Whenever he sees Superman, he points it out and says “All the solitude, none of the shrinkage”.
  • The only power on earth that compares to beav is his split personality, Brad.
  • The quest for religious and political freedom is often cited as the reasons Europeans colonized North America, but natural resources were another major draw. These included whales, vast schools of cod, and towering lodge pole pines used for ship's masts. But the resource that lured explorers across the continent was actually beav.
  • You’re already dead, beav just hasn’t let you know it yet.
  • beav has participated and won gold medals in javelin throw, biathlon, bobsledding, and alligator wrestling. He’s also killed a man during each event.
  • Think of a number between one and a hundred. If it’s not the number beav guessed, you did it wrong.
  • beav discovered soap while rubbing fat over his body in front of the man whose stomach he tore open.
  • When beav claps his hands, atoms split.
  • beav IS the man that the saying "You the man" is about.
  • beav wrote all of William Shakespeare’s plays.
  • beav doesn't need a passport to travel abroad. He just holds up the $5000 bill. . .which has his picture on it.
  • Who would win in a race between Superman and Flash? beav.
  • beav has to buy 12 new shirts every day because his awesomeness simply burns them up in the space of 2 hours.
  • Who's your daddy? More than likely, it's beav.
  • beav is the inspiration for the Norse pantheon of Gods. All of them.
  • beav's brain is a 4-lobed design. Because of that he's immune to mind control.
  • beav's saliva and blood are highly acidic.
  • The big bang? beav popped a plastic bag.
  • beav is the True King of Scotland, not Destro.
  • beav is the sole reason that the Dallas Cowboys cheerleader's locker room is lined in lead.
  • beav was camping and whizzed in the forest. All of Yellowstone burned to the ground.
  • Take it easy on beav. He hasn't been the same since he was helping build that dam and a giant log fell on his head [no appropriate smiley to display]
  • beav is the only person who was able to escape the nullicies of vorspace after placing a bag of holding in a portable hole.
  • beav once shouted out his own name at the top of his lungs, causing a rift in time. Which is really what caused Jean Claude Van Dame to become famous.
  • beav's toenail clippings are so sharp and strong, that they can cut through anything. except themselves.
  • beav is the walrus, ku-ku-cachu!
  • beav is the only person who strikes fear in the heart of Vin Diesel.
  • beav is looking at you, but you can't see him.
  • beav is the person they're talking about, when you hear the term "They say that."
  • beav once constructed a sugar cube village out of paperclips. Yeah, you read that right. Think about it. it's deep, and when you understand that you'll understand beav.
  • beav knows the answer to the eternal question of "Tastes Great" or "Less Filling".
  • beav taught Steven Spielberg everything he knows.
  • beav cracks corn, and he don't care.
  • beav has a formal process in place to determine the root cause of a problem and to define a temporary workaround or a permanent alternative.
  • beav introduced Tommy to Gina, who never backed down.
  • beav is really a Baldwin brother, but changed his name so he wouldn't have to take royalties from 'the man'.
  • beav walks effortlessly through jello.
  • beav can fold a piece of paper in half 32 times.
  • beav sold one of his bowel movements on eBay for charity.
  • beav made the Kessel run in less than FOUR parsecs.
  • beav eats shoe leather, but only because he likes the way it tastes.
  • beav got harassed by a group of a dozen Hell's Angels one time. The next day " beav 13" had 12 motorcycles on EBay.
  • beav's old socks are worshiped as Gods by several primitive African tribes.
  • beav owns the trademark on the term "Badass".
  • beav uses solar power to heat his house. That's why it's dark for 12 hours of the day: the sun's in his living room.
  • beav once banned a guy, TO DEATH!
  • Real Beavers are feared throughout Kentucky, because the locals are afraid they might be beav.
  • beav eats only tuna safe dolphin.
  • What do aliens call the planet Earth? beav's place.
  • beav was the inspiration for Darth Vader, and George Lucas has to pay him $5 whenever somebody makes the breathing noise.
  • beav was bitten by a radioactive Beaver, but it was the Beaver who got super powers.
  • One time beav stepped on a crack, and broke EVERYONE'S mother's backs.
  • If you google beav's name the internet will crash.
  • beav created an innovative new operating system, but traded it to Bill Gates for a stick of chewing gum and a used Mrs. Pack Man arcade game, cause he didn't want to be associated with "that Windows crap".
  • The US dollar is backed by the beav Standard, as gold and silver are just too sissy.
  • beav fought the law, and he won.
  • Lucy never moved the football on charlie brown, it was beav's will, lucy just took the cred.
  • John Holmes was once ashamed to take a shower in the same locker room as beav.
  • The ghost rider was just a normal biker until he stared too hard at beav and his head burst into flames.
  • Sauron fears one thing other than the destruction of the ring, beav.
  • The reason Gandalf smoked so much old toby is cause he saw beav's true form and never recovered.
  • One day, beav was sitting on a full city bus when an elderly old lady got on, so he stood up and snapped her neck in half. You don't take chances when fighting the forces of Cobra.
  • If Hasbro had created "G.I. beav " Cobra would have been defeated (or banned?) in 1982.
  • Larry Hama created Snake Eyes, Bucky O'Hare, and the modern Wolverine. beav created Larry Hama.
  • beav is the Juggernaut, Bitch!
  • beav wears Rumbler's pants and they actually look good on him.
  • beav IS the Weather Dominator, the MASS Device, and the BET all rolled into one.
  • beav shot first. beav always shoots first.
  • beav once fought Chuck Norris. Not only did beav win but he sent Chuck Norris crying home to his mommy.
  • beav eats children for breakfast.
  • beav doesn't have to order a pizza. Pizza sacrifices it's self to beav.
  • beav makes the sun sit, roll over and beg.
  • beav knows the exact spot of Atlantis, he used to live there after all.
  • beav can count to 1 million. On his toes.
  • beav sneezed with his eyes open and created The Force. Oddly enough Yoda couldn't sense it.
  • beav went to Japan and Godzilla saw him and ran away screaming, "Oh no, it's beav!"
  • While in Texas beav popped a zit on the back of his neck and became the third gunmen behind the grassy knoll.
  • beav wanted to be the President of the United States when he grew up but invented a time machine and started the Roman Empire instead.
  • If a tree falls in the woods and no one is around to hear it, chances are beav is the one that did it.
  • beav's Rice Krispies say "Snap, Crackle, SHAZAM!"
  • beav fought Captain Kirk and Captain Picard for a green chic and lost on purpose so they could save face.
  • Hong Kong Phooey was actually based on excerpts from beav's diary, as was Memoirs of a Geisha.
  • Walt Disney stole some of beav's thrown away doodles and pieced them together to create Mickey Mouse in Steam Boat Willy.
  • beav never forgave Walt and froze him with his mind.
  • beav made the White Witch his booty call and he wears a coat of Aslan
  • beav only had to fight Moby Dick once. no revenge needed
  • Batman was actually supposed to be beavman but every time Bob Kane started to work on it all the paper in his office would burst into flames
  • Thanos only crushes on Death. His heart belongs to beav
  • beav once took on the Master Chief, The Flood and an entire Covenant Armada with only the power of his manliness. There was much "running riot" that half hour
  • beav's "fashion sense" tingled so hard once that Cindy Crawford, Tyra Banks, and Heidi Klum simultaneously shivered with pleasure
  • beav knows what happens when an irresistible force meets an immoveable object.
  • beav once made the dyslexic atheist believe in dog.
  • beav taught the world to sing in perfect harmony and then bought the world a coke.
  • He-man is based off of beav's alter ego, beav -or.
  • beav once fought Batman, and the world ceased to exist, so he had to recreate it.
  • beav is the monitor and the anti-monitor.
  • beav can juggle matter and anti-matter, with no ill effects.
  • beav once drank a gallon of radiator fluid, and peed hydrochloric acid that ate its way to the center of the earth and created mt. masouvious which resulted in Pompeii being buried in a volcanic eruption.
  • When beav built the pyramids, he beat up Kublai-Kahn cause beav doesn't take S--T from anybody.
  • beav has ended all wars by giving the "Universal Snuggle"
  • beav can hold Tea and No Tea at the same time.
  • The beav standard is actually his fumunda cheese. It is 100 times as valuable as gold per ounce because of its subatomic and nuclear properties.
  • Nuclear scientists use the beav standard to eliminate nuclear waste. The beav standard is the only substance in the universe that can do that without creating any other harmful by-product.
  • If you ate some of the beav standard, you would live forever if the taste did not make you vomit and $h*t yourself to death.
  • beav has a tattoo on his back like in "Dude, Where's My Car". Except the tattoo doesn’t say "dude", it says "GOD"
  • beav is clearly a heavy duty philosopher and kicks Arthur Dent's @$$ all the time.
  • beav once invented a time machine to go back and save Abe Lincoln, but changed his mind after Lincoln refused to let him wear his hat.
  • beav is the man who is sent to kill you if you don't forward those chain emails.
  • beav once beat a shark at arm wrestling.
  • After sleeping for a thousand years, beav shall awaken from his slumber beneath the waves and destroy the world.
  • beav fathered every member of the forums. Even those older than him. WE LOVE YOU, DADDY, PLEASE COME HOME!
  • The Cubs use beav's foreskin to cover the infield at Wrigley between games.
  • beav entered his son in the Indy 500 to teach him how to drive. His son crashed into a wall and burned to death, beav just shrugged and said 'it would have happened eventually.'
  • beav is the real lord of the dance.
  • beav caused General Grievous' cough in ROTS.
  • beav is really the Beyonder, Mr. Mxyzptlk, and the Impossible Man.
  • Einstein found the theory of relativity on a Kleenex beav had sneezed on.
  • What we call "reality" is really just the mind of beav.
  • beav would have been the fifth face on Mt. Rushmore but the sculptor felt he was unworthy of sculpting such greatness.
  • beav talks softly and carries a big stick.
  • The Tunguska blast? That was no meteor. beav just had gas from eating too many burritos.
  • When beav talks, people listen.
  • Chuck Norris has to take macho lessons from beav.
  • Bigfoot is really beav --naked.
  • When they were casting for King Kong, beav wanted the lead role, but lost out because Naomi Watts kept fainting at the sight of his awesomeness.
  • Samuel L. Jackson has to take acting lessons from beav so he comes off as a badass mofo.
  • beav is perfection by a factor of pi.
  • beav has very soft skin and silky smooth hair.
  • beav’s voice at night is that of an angel.
  • On doctor's orders, beav drank cranberry juice and passed the Hope Diamond.
  • beav built Rome in a day.
  • beav has explored the inner rings of Uranus.
  • Ted Dibiasi licked crap off of beav's shoes for a buck.
  • beav won the Mr. Olympia competition in 1970 but had the title stripped from him for showing too much tail. The runner up Arnold Schwarzenegger went on to win the competition four more times in beav's absence.
  • In the year 2020, beav is everything.
  • beav has power you can't POSSIBLY imagine.
  • beav is immune to all disease and injury. Cut his head off and two more will grow back in it's place.
  • beav changes from his human form into his anthropomorphic beaver form when he gets angry. DON'T make him angry.
  • That's not a cigar. It's a smokestack for a steam powered loooove machine. Just ask Hawk.
  • beav's arms are so big around that a measuring tape cannot go completely around the circumference. Hulk Hogan cried when he heard that.
  • beav was the champion at the first Wrestlemania. And Superbowl. And World Series.
  • beav can breathe oxygen, nitrogen, and stout.
  • One time beav cut down the tallest tree in the forest wiiiiith. . .A HERRING!
  • beav was one of the original headmasters, but he killed his Autobot partner the first time they tried to combine.
  • beav mated with a plesiosaur. The result was the Loch Ness monster.
  • beav's neighbor had a shirt that said "#1 Dad". beav killed him because no one's a better dad than him.
  • beav wears a size 32EEE shoe. His jock strap size is off the scale.
  • beav is secretly Ron Jeremy.
  • beav can eat more hotdogs than the Fridge. . .'s entire family.
  • Hasbro had a beav action figure planned, but pulled it from the shelves after it killed a little kid who was trying to play with it.
  • beav is irresistible to women. And men. And small furry animals. And Hawk.
  • beav can swallow a Caterpillar engine block and crap bronze statuettes of Shipwreck.
  • Xevoz used to be called beavvoz.
  • beav has a prehensile soul patch.
  • beav's glasses are harder than diamond. They have to be to contain his "Bannence Stare".
  • One pair of beav's used under shorts could feed an entire third world country for a year.
  • beav had a restaurant once, but it got closed down when the health department found out what was in the special sauce.
  • beav used to have an apprentice. He questioned the master's wisdom and was never seen again.
  • One ounce of beav's urine can get an entire town drunk.
  • beav was every Scooby Doo villain. He just had lots of "Old Man Jenkins" masks.
  • beav has a red uniform hanging in his closet. It used to be white, but it's covered in blood now.
  • beav is the man behind the Burger King mask.
  • If you p!ss beav off he will ban you from life!
  • beav was especially sad when the twin towers fell, he built them single handed with his bare hands, a hammer, and his heat ray vision.
  • The reason why we cant find Osama is that beav has already infiltrated Afghanistan on his own and captured him in October of 2001. Whenever beav isn’t Modding the forum, he is in the other room pulling Osama's fingernails out with a pair of pliers and tightening the vice around his hackey-sack
  • beav has the same sized head as me, only mine is the right size for my body.
  • Without beav, there would be no GI Joe.
  • Beav single-handedly brought back the o-ring and eliminated sound & action attack!
  • Beav digs gangly men of high military rank.
  • Beav knows why it's really called "the Hawknana!"
  • Y'now those blue areas you can see on the Earth in orbital photos? Those aren't oceans, that's where beav punched the Earth and left bruises.
  • beav had a television show in the 1980s called " beav and the Fatman". It only lasted 2 episodes because beav killed the fat guy 10 minutes in.
  • beav was once reduced to a skeleton by his wife. He regenerated his flesh and skin within a matter of minutes and they had sex. Twice.
  • beav was the first human being to land on the moon. Not that moon the Earth's OTHER moon. Unfortunately it was destroyed when he flicked his cigar butt onto it. Now we only have one moon.
  • beav lost the Hawaiian Islands to Ben Franklin in a card game. Then he killed Franklin and took them back. Years later he felt bad and donated them to the United States in Franklin's name.
  • beav single-handedly established the Canadian wireless service.
  • The movie was supposed to be called " beav Almighty", but beav didn't want to act like such a puss so they got Jim Carrey instead and changed the name.
  • beav has a photographic memory. And he can get you prints in under an hour. You don't want to know where they come out though.
  • beav can kill a man with a mere thought. He can ban a man with a mere blink.
  • The calendar used to have 13 months, but beavtober had to be taken out because half the world’s population was killed during beavtoberfest.
  • The British invasion began with beav.
  • beav has a third testicle. That's why his voice is so deep.
  • The sea boils at beav's approach.
  • beav actually killed Brad Sandidge and assumed his identity. No one really noticed.
  • Strands of beav's hair were used to tie down King Kong.
  • God created man in beav's image, but the mortal body couldn't take the sheer awesomeness. So for his second attempt, he had to kick it down a notch or 10.
  • beav feels no pain. If you injure him YOUR the one who feels the pain.
  • beav was the head of the Jedi Council before the fall of the old republic. He left because inner peace is boring. Strong with the Force is beav.
  • beav is a secret unlockable boss character in Street Fighter II AND Mortal Kombat.
  • The Japanese sell beav flavored hotdogs.
  • beav invented Gangsta rap. And skateboarding.
  • beav gets 30 miles to the half-pint.
  • He knows when you've been sleeping. He knows when you're awake. But beav doesn't care.
  • beav and the Pope were in a boat. The Pope's hat blew off and landed on top of the water. beav stepped out of the boat, walked on top of the water, retrieved the hat, and walked back to the boat. The next day it was posted on an internet mailing group that beav couldn't swim.
  • beav proved Fermat's last theorem on a napkin, but threw it away because he figured anybody who couldn't solve it on their own didn't deserve to have the proof.
  • Thunder is beav bowling.
  • The clone army is really beav, and Jango Fett is his first clone.
  • Transporters on Star Trek will be possible when beav Effect compensators are developed.
  • The unproduced Ninja Commandos are sitting in beav's basement. He's selling them off one set at a time for now, but when the price drops low enough on the supply and demand curve, he'll sell the rest.
  • beav designed every fast food chain's special sauce.
  • What happened to the unsold shipments of wave 6? beav ate them.
  • beav's power of banning has gone to great extent, that he was the one responsible for getting rid of Judy Winslow from Family Matters, ending Corey Haim's career, and canceling the "Chevy Chase Show".
  • beav time-traveled to the past and not only "banned" Amelia Earhart, but the dinosaurs' tea party right before the meteor.
  • beav once banned a man for bidding against him on E-bay. then went to the guy’s house. took the stuff and then banned him from life! Guy was never seen again.
  • beav was in a porno called Nightwatch, his name was Crystal Ball, that's why if you type "Nightwatch" Crystal Ball shows up.
  • beav scared the **** right outta the Nightwatch.
  • The internal combustion engine is actually based on an x-ray of beav's digestive system.
  • beav has lost at least 300 teeth. But like a shark, there's always another one in line to take it's place.
  • Tokyo used to be called Edo. Before that it was beav.
  • Alexander was great, beav was spectacular.
  • The sun never sets on beav's empire.
  • Napoleon TOTALLY stole the whole "hand in the jacket" thing from beav.
  • If you hold the bible up to a mirror, it says " beav Waz HERE!" on every page.
  • beav was Jack The Ripper. But it was an accident.
  • beav doesn't use the post office. He just throws his packages cross country.
  • There used to be a beav Pez dispenser. But the candy all tasted like crap so it got recalled.
  • beav holds the patent to everything.
  • The clone trooper helmet is a stylized version of beav's skull.
  • Diet beav has half the calories of regular beav.
  • War of the Worlds was actually about beav going to Burger King.
  • beav was supposed to be the first inductee into the Rock N Roll Hall of Fame. But he turned them down.
  • Hawaii got the idea for flowered shirts from beav.
  • beav has a computer chip in his skull. It doesn't do anything, he just thought it looked cool.
  • the US gov't printed beav on the new nickel, but then the 5 cent piece went missing from US circulation, so they had to go back to Jefferson.
  • BUT, not before i bought a roll of $2 beavs on eBay for $4,687.26.
  • AND, I carried them around on my person for fear of theft, until i got sick of the question, "Is that beav in your pocket, or are you just REALLY happy to see me?"
  • On the eight day, after a good long rest to regain His strength, God made beav. who then banned God from the universe.
  • When you stare into the abyss, beav stares back.
  • beav casts a shadow only when it occurs to him to do so.
  • beav uses habanero hot sauce as a personal lubricant and applies it with sandpaper.
  • beav knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men.
  • beav ate the Old 96er.including the gristle and fat. and then asked Hawk if he was going to finish his.
  • You know that dent in your upper lip? beav gave you that before you were born when he placed a finger there and said: "Shhhh!"
  • beav's farts make no echo and, if just one were harnessed, it could heat all the homes in North Dakota for a hundred winters.
  • beav's wallet is the one that says "Bad Motherf___er."
  • If you ask Batman, he'll tell you (in a fearful whisper) that beav is the one being on the planet whom he could not defeat. regardless of how much prep time you give him.
  • Rosa Parks would give her seat to beav.
  • beav is as beav does.
  • beav whispers frantic power chants and swims above death's languid flood.
  • beav is the world’s most famous cat juggler.
  • beav always stands in the same place - when he moves his legs the earth just rolls underneath him.
  • beav has gas, and it goes for $74.63 per ounce.
  • beav *can* only eat just one.
  • beav has interlocking pieces that form Utah.
  • Ever feel like you see someone moving just out of the corner of your eye? That's beav.
  • beav always answers his phone before it rings.
  • beav divided against himself cannot fall.
  • beav doesn't sweat - he glistens.
  • beav flosses with live electrical wires. You would too, if you were beav.
  • beav traveled back in time to have a bowel movement. That bowel movement grew up to be Sean Penn.
  • beav doesn't eat as much as he consumes.
  • beav knows how to peel an orange without it leaking any juice or getting any of the skin under his fingernails.
  • beav lives on the edge. The edge of a very large, and very sharp razor.
  • beav once climbed the Empire State Building in under 10 minutes, and all the attention paid to him was what gave Merian C. Cooper and Edgar Wallace the original idea for King Kong. It was originally going to be called King beav, but beav wouldn't let them use his name.
  • beav ate my balls.
  • beav BROKED THE INDERNET!
  • beav traveled back in time, slept with Larry Hama's momma and thus was the inspiration for Shipwreck.
  • beav can glide silently and land without making a sound. He is the other presence in the pitch-black room. He is the lurker in the dark, just outside your bedroom window. He rattles the garbage cans and makes your floors creak. He is the dread that stands behind you in the dark and dares you to turn and face him!
  • beav is your quintessential sailor. He can splice a line, fry powdered eggs in the tooth of a gale and eat them, tell taller tales than a Senate Appropriations committee and take a three day liberty in Thule, Greenland and come back smiling.
  • beav can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan.
  • beav steals socks, but only one at a time.
  • beav puts his pants on both legs at once.
  • beav was created by every person in China jumping at the same time.
  • Steroids are really just beav s urine and Red No. 5.
  • beav always runs with scissors.
  • beav is NOT a Navy Seal.
  • beav drives a flying Jetson's car. Nobody knows where he got it, and everyone's too afraid to ask.
  • beav likes to play catch with his dog. The dog doesn't fly as well as a frisbee though.
  • Don't let beav near your fish tank. He calls it soup.
  • beav was in a Christmas Story. He played the lamp.
  • beav doesn't own a cell phone. He just yells and everyone shuts up so he can talk.
  • The birds and the bees used to be called the birds and the beav. But a rash of prepubescent pregnancies prompted the change.
  • beav can palm an asteroid.
  • beav can squeeze poo into diamonds with his bare hands.
  • beav is the secret catalyst that can create a Vibranium/Adamantium alloy. He makes his silverware out of it.
  • beav can talk to animals. But he usually just tells them to "OMG! STFU!".
  • beav farted while swimming in the gulf of Mexico and caused a giant earthquake. The result was Cobra Island.
  • One of beav's boogers killed the dinosaurs. All of them.
  • If you listen to the Beatles' White Album backwards you can hear beav saying "Turn your record player the other way dickhead!"
  • When all the cosmic beings in the Multiverse gather, beav wins the poker game every time.
  • beav uses a flamethrower to make grilled cheese.
  • beav has seen every Bollywood movie. Twice.
  • If you look really close in the background of The Wizard of Oz you can see beav beating the crap out of a munchkin.
  • beav starts every morning with a big bowl of Funskool figures and a keg of beer.
  • beav tore Zuess from HIS thigh.
  • beav created the Arashikage ninja clan during a night of drunken debauchery. He still doesn't remember it.
  • beav is the stone that the builder refused
  • beav is the visual
  • the inspiration
  • that made lady sings the blues
  • beav is the spark that makes your idea bright
  • the same spark
  • that lights the dark
  • so that we can know our left from our right
  • beav is the ballot in our box
  • the bullet in our gun
  • that inner glow
  • that lets us know
  • to call our brother son
  • beav was forged in the fiery pits of Mount Doom.
  • Colonel Sanders used beav's sweat as one of the 11 herbs and spices in KFC's original recipe.
  • You can bounce a quarter off his ass and get back two dimes and a Canadian nickel.
  • His "friendship" with several members of Steppenwolf inspired them to record "Born to Be Wild" as an ode to their love for him.
  • Who's your daddy? beav is.
  • beav eats Green Berets for breakfast, SEALS for lunch, and ninjas for dinner.
  • beav alone knows the meaning of life, but he'd have to ban you if he told you.
  • beav invented fire.
  • When beav walks by, men cower, children cry, and women have orgasms.
  • beav is the Alpha and the Omega and ever Greek letter in between.
  • beav once bitch-slapped Patton for being a sissy.
  • When he goes to sleep at night, the boogeyman checks under his bed for beav.
  • beav was the original inspiration for Kilroy.
  • beav's awesomeness is so strong women have been known to become spontaneously pregnant when he's nearby.
  • When beav milks a cow, he gets Guinness instead of milk.
  • Chuck Norris looks in the mirror and sees beav staring back at him.
  • All Chuck Norris facts were originally known as beav facts until Al Gore admitted he invented the internet.
  • All the major movie studios send beav royalty checks if they have female nudity in their movies. "That's the fifth one you've cashed this week from Vivid Videos, son!"
  • The legendary beav is possibly the most dreaded of all, for when he is active he ravishes the countryside for miles. All vegetation and animal life is devoured or driven away. The land through which beav passes becomes a barren waste which requires years to recover. beav eats voraciously and continually, and all living things are food to him, although he prefers warm-blooded creatures over others. Normal attack modes of beav are with two forelimb claws, a sweeping tail lash, a savage bite, and two thrusting horn attacks. The rush of beav is possible but once every 120 turns because he is so large and ponderous.
  • The site of beav is so terrifying that characters must check for panic.
  • beav has a carapace of exceptional hardness and reflective quality. Energy weapons, and sorcerous fireballs and lightning bolts are useless against beav. There is a 1 in 6 chance that such attacks will be reflected back at the attacker. beav is completely impervious to fire. His metabolic rate is such that he regenerates one hit per turn.
  • beav is that rare kind of creature which exists in two dimensions at once. Because of this he is extremely difficult to kill. If even the slightest piece of him remains after his "death" he will regenerate and restore completely. The only way to kill beav permanently is to first reduce him to 0 hits, and then to have a sorcerer perform a successful Close Portal task with a Stage Six success to sever his link with this universe.
  • It is fortunate that beav is active only for short periods of time. Typically, he comes forth to forage for a week or two, ravaging all but a few square kilometers of land. beav then seeks a hidden lair underground and lies dormant, sleeping for five to 20 months before coming forth again. Once every decade or so, he will be particularly active, staying abroad for several months. Thereafter hi period of dormancy becomes four to 16 years long unless disturbed. The ratio of active to dormant state appears to be about 1:30.
  • I once saw beav put 'The claw' on a guy's man teat cause he looked at his lady. I can remember the words he spoke, so chilling. I'm gonna' strip ya, I'm gonna' skin ya, then I'm gonna' use your shin bone as a pencil box."
  • beav is the reason why chicks with overbites are sexy.
  • Riddick is Esperanto for beav.
  • beav coined the term for all women's hootches, as "The beaver". He proudly displays the homage to the term on his chin.
  • When beav banged Daisy Duck, the poisonous offspring was sent to Australia. It caused Donald to have a stroke, thus, his unintelligible banter.
  • The Ozzies call it a Platypus because that's what a "Plate of Pus", the reaction from fights with it, sounds like after 3 Fosters.
  • What is the sound of one hand clapping? beaver tail.
  • Unlike Nike, beav did it.
  • The entire script of the first American Pie movie had to be re-written because the line,” And the, this one time, at beav camp," had already been said. By beav.
  • beav. Ban. Both start with B's. Hmmmmmm?
  • Stan Lee created the Thing because there already was an ever-loving, blue-eyed beav.
  • Dr. Doom has beav bots.
  • Steven Seagal's career? The beav giveth and the beav taketh away.
  • beav has found Waldo. And Carmen Sandiego.
  • Louisville Slugger baseball bats? No. beav's toothpicks.
  • Britney Spears married beav first. He left because she kept wanting him to hit her one more time.
  • beav is the real reason Angelina hooked up with Brad. She had to settle for #2.
  • Why does the Earth spin around? Because beav doesn't want it to spin arhombus.
  • Sir Mix-a-lot couldn't bring himself to sing about " beav Got Back." Now you know the rest of the story.
  • It's called Wrestlemania because beav didn't like the first name. Ticklemania.
  • When Lloyd Benson said to Dan Quayle during that famous debate, "And you're no JFK!", Quayle actually had a great comeback for it-"And you're no beav!" But. he couldn't spell it and it probably wouldn't have made it passed the censors anyway.
  • beav tried to tell Dan Rather he had his facts wrong.
  • beav told Michael Jackson that 'Netherland' Ranch didn't come off near as kid-friendly as 'Neverland' Ranch did.
  • All of Saturday Night Live's skits from 1980-1990 were stolen from beav's teenage journal.
  • beav convinced Bjork to wear the swan dress because the elephant one made her ankles look fat.
  • The final version of the movie Brokeback Mountain was radically changed by a ghost-writer because execs didn't think that beav's original draft about two Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders would be believable to mainstream audiences.
  • Paris Hilton just loved beav's night-vision camera.
  • It wasn't Justin Timberlake just pulling off a piece of Janet Jackson's outfit, it was beav willing it to stay on that long in the first place.
  • Barry Bonds vehemently denies ever using the 'cream' given to him by beav.
  • Shirley MacLaine thinks she is beav in a past life.
  • beav's toenail clippings were the basis for the tv show 'Survivor.'
  • Donald Trump wishes he could say, "You're BANNED!"
  • beav can 'Dance on the Ceiling' and "Walk like an Egyptian' at the same time. while moonwalking.
  • Tommy Lee and Pamela Anderson decided to make their famous sex tape after watching the beav /Pam sex tape.
  • Chuck Norris grew a beard to look like his idol, beav, but refused to get his teeth done.
  • beav kicks little old ladies when they tell him they liked Eddie Haskell best.
  • Das Boot became a submarine movie when the director realized Das beav was already about a long, cylindrical object that went underwater.
  • beav doesn’t actually have a birthday, before time began he simply willed himself into existence. The day he picked as his birthday is the same day he invented beer all those years ago for the whole world to enjoy. Because of this, in Ireland, there are entire shrines and churches devoted to beav because without him, they would have nothing to do.
  • beav can dance if he wants to, he can leave his friends behind. Because his friends don't dance, and if they don't dance, then they are no friends of his.
  • In Chinese, the sound 'beav' means 'bite the wax tadpole'
  • The first domain name ever registered was beav.com
  • beav can use only about one-hundred ten percent of his brain
  • Ninety-six percent of all candles sold are purchased by beav. He then gives them to his slaves to work on his new project titled "wax-planet"
  • Lightning strikes beav over seven times every hour
  • The patron saint of beav is Saint Eugenie
  • The Aztec Indians of Mexico believed beav would protect them from physical harm, and so warriors used him to decorate their battle shields!
  • beav is actually a vegetable, not a fruit. avctually he's both. A fregetable if you will.
  • Dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are beav
  • If you kiss beav for one minute you will burn six or seven million calories
  • beav is a part of all that he has met;
  • Yet all experience is an arch wherethro'
  • Gleams that untravell'd world, whose margin fades
  • For ever and for ever when beav moves.
  • beav is 100% natural. No fillers.
  • beav is responsible for mad cow disease, ebola, and bird flu. They were his 4th grade science project.
  • Goblins collect beav's toenail clippings and fashion them into the finest of swords.
  • beav is not amused.
  • beav went to a party where they had a 6 ft sub. Everyone else left hungry.
  • beav actually has several online personas. Some are male, some are female, all are awesome. Try and guess who they are.
  • Gatorade really IS made from beav's sweat.
  • That face that appeared on the office building? That's not the Virgin Mary, that's beav!
  • beav's left arm was infected with spyware. So he bit it off.
  • beav invented the Apple computer. He sold his patent to two guys named Steve for a 6-pack because "It'll never catch on".
  • Snake-Eyes wears the visor to shield his eyes from the awesomeness that is beav.
  • beav is REAL ULTIMATE POWER!
  • Superman was based on beav. but they watered down his powers a bit to make it more "believable".
  • beav IS the snowfield.
  • beav didn't actually ban Stitches, he ate him. The banning came later to explain Stitches absence.
  • beav watches the news every night. On the IMAX screen on his headboard.
  • beav rules his kingdom from a throne of skulls by a river of blood. He does use a butt doughnut though. Skulls are hard!
  • beav can turn water into wine, but he drinks beer so he doesn't.
  • beav wears a motorcycle helmet all the time. Even when he showers.
  • Kool-Aid Man says: "Oh NO!" when he sees beav coming.
  • beav has a bowling alley in every bathroom in his house. If you watch the PBA on TV you can see beav in the background pinching a loaf.
  • beav has a coat made of human skin. His dad gave it to him. his dad really wishes he had his skin back now.
  • beav's shoes tie themselves.
  • beav met the president one time. The president asked for his autograph, but beav had sex with his wife instead.
  • beav cries tears of cream soda.
  • Spongebob Squarepants is based on a bowl of clam chowder beav ate once.
  • beav is the champion my friends. beav keeps on fighting till the end. beav is the champion. beav is the champion. No time for you, cause beav is the champion. . .of the world.
  • He who knows fear BURNS at beav's touch!
  • beav has an 8" tongue. Ask your momma.
  • Santa Claus is actually beav in disguise. But he actually steals all the beer out of the fridge instead of leaving presents.
  • beav's haircut has a 6 degree bank.
  • beav wears adult diapers. He doesn't need them, he just likes the convenience factor.
  • beav broke Batman's back and blamed it on Bane.
  • beav loves the nightlife. He's got to boogie.
  • beav fought the law and the Beav won.
  • beav is the wind beneath my wings.
  • beav was given an actual PDD. he tossed it, waiting on a new sculpt version that looked more like him.
  • beav is banned in 37 states, but he don't care - he just turned around and banned them right back!
  • beav is the answer to Life, the Universe and Everything
  • beav translated in The Queen's English is "42"
  • Zartan didn’t kill the HardMaster. beav just banned him.
  • When beav makes a joke, you laugh until you cry. Then he slaps you. Pansy.
  • Because he is constantly in heat, more than one million stray dogs and half a million stray cats live near beav!
  • Europe is the only continent that lacks beav. Only because he banned them for not keeping Hasselhoff.
  • beav can not regurgitate! He has Hawk for that.
  • beav is worth his weight in gold - literally.
  • It took beav 22 minutes to build the Taj Mahal and that’s with a 20 minute break.
  • beav cannot jump because he gets a bribe from Michael Jordan not to.
  • If a snake is born with two heads, the heads will fight over who gets beav!
  • beav shares his birthday with all of us because he is everything.
  • beav has often been found swimming miles from shore in the Indian Ocean!
  • beav is both Ying and Yang.
  • beav is the only person to ever graduate from the Electoral College.
  • beav is as beav does.
  • beav invented Ron Popeil.
  • 4 out of 5 dentists prefer beav (er).
  • Canadian beav is cheaper than American beav.
  • beaver Falls, PA was named when beav passed out while drunk there.
  • beav's favorite actor was Alec Guinness.
  • beav won the Tri-Wizards Cup at Hogwarts, but gave it back because it couldn't hold enough beer inside and never teleported him to any the liquor stores.
  • beav's my cherry pie, put a smile on your face ten miles wide, look so good, make a young man cry, sweet beav pie?
  • William Shatner told the producers of Star Trek III he would walk of the set because even ol' hound-dog Captain Kirk wouldn't "Search for beav."
  • beav has three testicles. Only two are in the correct spot.
  • If you lie on your back with your legs stretched it is impossible to sink in beav.
  • Baby swans are called beav!
  • beav can't drink normal fluids - he absorbs water from his surroundings by osmosis.
  • Originally, beav could not fly. Now he flies on the wings of a 747 he beat to death with his bare hands.
  • beav once lost a Dolly Parton look-alike contest because his pecs were TOO big!
  • If you toss beav 10000 times, he will not land heads 5000 times, but more like 4950, because his brain weighs more and thus ends up on the bottom!
  • Human beings are the only animals that copulate while facing beav!
  • It's bad luck to whistle near beav.
  • The first American zoo was built in 1794, and contained only beav. That’s only because he was in the middle of his 1000 year slumber.
  • It can take beav several days to move just through one tree. Only a few hours for a box of fiber one to move through him
  • beav doesn't have to post in the right thread. People will understand. . . or else.
  • beav was invited to be the special guest at this year's Joe convention. He refused so they got Slaughter instead. Brian's still crying.
  • Santa sits on beav's lap.
  • beav was a first round draft pick.
  • beav is behind you RIGHT NOW!
  • beav's lips have their own area code.
  • beav once barbecued a Volkswagen Beetle and ate the entire thing.
  • The spell card beav is the most powerful card in Magic: The Gathering.
  • Lincoln's new top of the line luxury model: The beav.
  • beav went to High School at Rykers Island.
  • The computer's voice on Star Trek is actually beav's, sped up by a factor of 3.
  • beav fights for freedom wherever there's trouble.
  • beav's first car was a Rolls Royce with a 3 ft high spoiler on the trunk. He rolled some rich guy for it, then pimped it out.
  • beav can play CDs with his laser vision.
  • beav can delete posts.
  • beav apparently has an unrelenting avatar fetish.
  • beav likes to chomp down on some hard wood.
  • beav is the love interest in Disney's "High School Musical 2"!
  • beav likes to ( I luv :rumbler: ) apparently
  • beav was the un-official cause of Freddie Mercury's death. Mercury refused to change the name of the song to " beav is the champion" and so he was killed. They say it was AIDS but actually it was the lack of light and warmth that is beav's love.
  • It is rumored that beav's father was a ninja and his mother was a pirate.
  • beav is my favorite
  • Many guys on here, like ViperLord, have proven that men cannot get enough of beav.
  • After all this time, I think I have discovered "The Truth About beav."
  • beav is Wonderful.
  • But the truth was beav's mother was a ninja and his father was a pirate.
  • beav went to the dentist to have a root canal and instead of using novocain the dentist used a beaver cane.
  • beav's favorite food is wasabi peas.
  • beav is the one ring.
  • hi beav
  • beav, like Big Brawler jokes, never gets old or over used ever.
  • beav takes a licking and keeps on ticking.
  • beav is ALWAYS on top.
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